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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?